I know that on a strict playing field where rules and laws exist and certain properties cannot be transcended I would not be where I am now. From this view I can look back on the short span of time that has passed since I came into this life. I can view my birth with a degree of clarity that goes beyond imagination. I was a quivering infant, whom at two months too soon could not bear the confines of the womb any longer and kicked my way out, resigned to the notion that I was risking two lives in order to embrace the compulsory desire to experience. It's not something that could've gone any other way for me. I was literally dying to live.
I set in motion from that instant, with the aid of what I now can refer to as divine energy, a series of rhythms that carried me through places and encounters with others that grew me into me. This is the basis through which I'm sure everyone develops, but at the edges of my understanding I sensed that it was for reasons that would not immediately be clear, so I permitted myself to take every turn on this voyage with cautious optimism.
Then in late July 2010, I felt the sensation of my solar plexus wane. I entered a dream like state where the beating of my heart and the movement of my lungs ceased to remind me of my wakefulness. At times I felt a degree of power, concluding that it being my dream meant I could shift the direction of the action, but the persistent detachment I felt from anything substantial kept me silent and still through most of it. The hibernation of my spirit ended in early December when I connected again, unexpectedly, with my core self. The desire to be present and awake consumed me, or rather enveloped me in joy. But with that came despair, I felt like a butterfly who had just come out of his cocoon. My wings had not dried or opened so I had to sun them regardless of the instinct to fly.
Now it is the middle of February and I feel new warmth against my skin affirming that the time is now, that the winds have shifted and that a new phase in my life's cycle has commenced. It is two weeks before my nineteenth birthday, which is two months earlier than it was supposed to be- there is always such symmetry in numbers.
It is important for me to express gratitude to the many people who have taught me invaluable lessons- lessons that came in all forms and methods. I am the sum of all your parts, and likewise, I have been honored to contribute to the composition of all of you. I am taking this opportunity, before I shake the last bits of my old skin away, to offer anyone who might read this my sincere thanks. With that, I embrace the ubiquitous spirit and look forward to what lays ahead.
Cheers,
-Codysseus
