I know that on a strict playing field where rules and laws exist and certain properties cannot be transcended I would not be where I am now. From this view I can look back on the short span of time that has passed since I came into this life. I can view my birth with a degree of clarity that goes beyond imagination. I was a quivering infant, whom at two months too soon could not bear the confines of the womb any longer and kicked my way out, resigned to the notion that I was risking two lives in order to embrace the compulsory desire to experience. It's not something that could've gone any other way for me. I was literally dying to live.
I set in motion from that instant, with the aid of what I now can refer to as divine energy, a series of rhythms that carried me through places and encounters with others that grew me into me. This is the basis through which I'm sure everyone develops, but at the edges of my understanding I sensed that it was for reasons that would not immediately be clear, so I permitted myself to take every turn on this voyage with cautious optimism.
Then in late July 2010, I felt the sensation of my solar plexus wane. I entered a dream like state where the beating of my heart and the movement of my lungs ceased to remind me of my wakefulness. At times I felt a degree of power, concluding that it being my dream meant I could shift the direction of the action, but the persistent detachment I felt from anything substantial kept me silent and still through most of it. The hibernation of my spirit ended in early December when I connected again, unexpectedly, with my core self. The desire to be present and awake consumed me, or rather enveloped me in joy. But with that came despair, I felt like a butterfly who had just come out of his cocoon. My wings had not dried or opened so I had to sun them regardless of the instinct to fly.
Now it is the middle of February and I feel new warmth against my skin affirming that the time is now, that the winds have shifted and that a new phase in my life's cycle has commenced. It is two weeks before my nineteenth birthday, which is two months earlier than it was supposed to be- there is always such symmetry in numbers.
It is important for me to express gratitude to the many people who have taught me invaluable lessons- lessons that came in all forms and methods. I am the sum of all your parts, and likewise, I have been honored to contribute to the composition of all of you. I am taking this opportunity, before I shake the last bits of my old skin away, to offer anyone who might read this my sincere thanks. With that, I embrace the ubiquitous spirit and look forward to what lays ahead.
Cheers,
-Codysseus
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, October 24, 2010
When I was a young child I was filled with a sort of spastic and unleashed energy that was greater than typical to most young people. My parents would find themselves exhausted, though never explaining this to me for fear of me being even more uncontrollable, from trying to entertain me constantly. Soon after my first words, I became a frantic talking-machine, who laughed frequently at things that were not especially funny and was curious about bizarre and almost frightening events. My first obsession, that I remember clearly was of Tornadoes and I was convinced that in the future I would spend my days sitting next to Helen Hunt in a ramshackle pick-up truck chasing after these monstrous storms in the name of Science, God, and America.
I was raised with the help of an incredible woman named Lila, or frequently called “comadre” by the bilingual elders of my family, and even Dominga, which was her name, and in Spanish can also mean Sunday. She was my nanny, baby-sitter, honorary grandmother, friend, and she took over when my parents went to work- my mother was an educator, and my father an environmental biology major at the time, had a sporadic schedule that made little sense to my infantile mind.
Because of Lila’s caring nature and the fact that she was privy to and quite masterful at handling my wild and seemingly endless supply of energy, she usually succumbed to all of my reasonable requests. This usually entailed simple things, like coaxing her into letting me have a dr. pepper or eat ice cream for breakfast atop the kitchen cupboards with a spatula. One day, after learning the proper method for using the VCR I announced that we would be starting an exercise regimen and that she was to do exactly as the tape said. Understand that I was not being bratty, but rather this seventy-odd year old woman had never demonstrated any weakness or inability to help carry out my plans. She would smile and talk in her charming voice while dragging me behind her in a red radio-flyer wagon the mile from the highway to my family home nestled in the hills of the New Mexico Mountains, and if she ever complained once, she never did so in front of me or my parents.
Lila and I started the tape that afternoon, in my living room and looked with interest at the insanely dressed 90’s work out gurus in their neon lycra body suits. They smiled, and told us all about consulting our doctor’s before beginning the program if we experienced any medical problems. I didn’t think to check then, but I’m sure there was an expression of fear across my keeper’s face.
Because I was so convinced that ‘normal’ toddlers did this sort of thing, I didn’t hesitate to jump into the routine, jumping and laughing, only stopping to announce that we were doing something wrong, or that Lila needed to pick up the pace. It’s hard now to think about it, and realize the bravery of an old woman to enter this fitness program with me. After the tape was over, I immediately lost interest and went to entertain myself elsewhere in the house, leaving her to recover in the living room and probably watch the daily airing of her favorite soap opera. I would go into my room and play with my toys, creating elaborate plots for each of them, in an operatic and block buster fashion, I have always been slightly intoxicated by grandiose theatrical gestures.
The next morning my mom was readying herself for another day in what I then naively believed was the quaint and delightful life of a teacher, when she suddenly became anxious, looking at the clock and noting that Lila had not yet arrived. This was unusual for a woman who usually showed up at our house, allowing enough time for a fun and often gossipy, though entirely harmless conversation with my mom. My mom then called her, on the bulky black plastic phone that every family had in the mid 90's.
After the conversation had ended and my mom had apologized a million times for something I couldn’t quite guess, she walked over to where I was watching cartoons and smiled. Her eyes got wide, and I knew I was about to be scolded. “Cody,” she said calmly, “what did you do?” I didn’t understand again, certainly she couldn’t have known that I accidentally swallowed a marble beneath the breakfast counter the day before or that I had a paralyzing fear of our house being eaten up by a twister. She looked at me again and was grinning, she put her hand on her forehead in the frustrated but not angry way she often did when she was dumbfounded by me. “Did you make Lila do aerobics with you yesterday until she could hardly walk?”
Over the phone, Lila explained that she was running late because she was so incredibly sore from the work out the day before. Though we laugh about it now, and our dear Lila has passed on, the lesson behind this is clearly that even a seventy-something steel magnolia has a breaking point, and that only a small boy full of infinite animation could figure it out.
I was raised with the help of an incredible woman named Lila, or frequently called “comadre” by the bilingual elders of my family, and even Dominga, which was her name, and in Spanish can also mean Sunday. She was my nanny, baby-sitter, honorary grandmother, friend, and she took over when my parents went to work- my mother was an educator, and my father an environmental biology major at the time, had a sporadic schedule that made little sense to my infantile mind.
Because of Lila’s caring nature and the fact that she was privy to and quite masterful at handling my wild and seemingly endless supply of energy, she usually succumbed to all of my reasonable requests. This usually entailed simple things, like coaxing her into letting me have a dr. pepper or eat ice cream for breakfast atop the kitchen cupboards with a spatula. One day, after learning the proper method for using the VCR I announced that we would be starting an exercise regimen and that she was to do exactly as the tape said. Understand that I was not being bratty, but rather this seventy-odd year old woman had never demonstrated any weakness or inability to help carry out my plans. She would smile and talk in her charming voice while dragging me behind her in a red radio-flyer wagon the mile from the highway to my family home nestled in the hills of the New Mexico Mountains, and if she ever complained once, she never did so in front of me or my parents.
Lila and I started the tape that afternoon, in my living room and looked with interest at the insanely dressed 90’s work out gurus in their neon lycra body suits. They smiled, and told us all about consulting our doctor’s before beginning the program if we experienced any medical problems. I didn’t think to check then, but I’m sure there was an expression of fear across my keeper’s face.
Because I was so convinced that ‘normal’ toddlers did this sort of thing, I didn’t hesitate to jump into the routine, jumping and laughing, only stopping to announce that we were doing something wrong, or that Lila needed to pick up the pace. It’s hard now to think about it, and realize the bravery of an old woman to enter this fitness program with me. After the tape was over, I immediately lost interest and went to entertain myself elsewhere in the house, leaving her to recover in the living room and probably watch the daily airing of her favorite soap opera. I would go into my room and play with my toys, creating elaborate plots for each of them, in an operatic and block buster fashion, I have always been slightly intoxicated by grandiose theatrical gestures.
The next morning my mom was readying herself for another day in what I then naively believed was the quaint and delightful life of a teacher, when she suddenly became anxious, looking at the clock and noting that Lila had not yet arrived. This was unusual for a woman who usually showed up at our house, allowing enough time for a fun and often gossipy, though entirely harmless conversation with my mom. My mom then called her, on the bulky black plastic phone that every family had in the mid 90's.
After the conversation had ended and my mom had apologized a million times for something I couldn’t quite guess, she walked over to where I was watching cartoons and smiled. Her eyes got wide, and I knew I was about to be scolded. “Cody,” she said calmly, “what did you do?” I didn’t understand again, certainly she couldn’t have known that I accidentally swallowed a marble beneath the breakfast counter the day before or that I had a paralyzing fear of our house being eaten up by a twister. She looked at me again and was grinning, she put her hand on her forehead in the frustrated but not angry way she often did when she was dumbfounded by me. “Did you make Lila do aerobics with you yesterday until she could hardly walk?”
Over the phone, Lila explained that she was running late because she was so incredibly sore from the work out the day before. Though we laugh about it now, and our dear Lila has passed on, the lesson behind this is clearly that even a seventy-something steel magnolia has a breaking point, and that only a small boy full of infinite animation could figure it out.
Ask, Tell. (Draft 1)
In this ever-changing global society it is necessary that we ask ourselves certain questions. That which may once have appeared justifiable and correct may now prove to be discriminatory or unfair. Long before my generation these realizations have been made resulting in the end of institutions such as slavery and crusades such as the Women’s Rights Movement. Eventually these issues were brought to light by a group of people impassioned by doing what is right and protecting the values on which the American construct exists. Perhaps one of the biggest socio-political issues we are faced with is that of gay rights. This topic embodies different things for different people and exists in a multitude of capacities, but the most prevalent question in today’s debate, at least for now, is over the controversial "Don't ask, Don't tell" military policy.
The Service Members Legal Defense Networks website describes Don’t ask, Don’t Tell as a bill, “passed by Congress in 1993, DADT is a law mandating the discharge of openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual service members.” Immediately this statement is unsettling. The U.S. military is supposed to represent a noble and strong defense system responsible for the safety and protection of our country, and yet the establishment has for almost two decades implemented a policy that does not allow members of a specific background to serve. Seemingly this goes against the promise of our unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness- the very ideals that our military and government have, in other eras, worked tirelessly to preserve.
Why did this legislation enter the system of the U.S. military? According to an article by Gregory M. Herek the basis of the policy was to reduce discrimination of homosexuals by not requiring them to identify with or acknowledge their sexual orientation. It was a compromise resulting from the attempt by the Clinton administration to eliminate prejudicial practices in the military toward members of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community. Unfortunately, this “compromise” established a huge conundrum. In an effort to stifle discrimination, the legislation simply perpetuated biases and profiling against military members and in many instances actually made the situation worse. Herek states, “The policy has remained in effect since 1993, although the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network and other organizations monitoring its implementation have repeatedly pointed out its failures. Discharges have actually increased under the policy, and harassment of gay and lesbian personnel appears to have intensified in many locales.” This evidence alone, suggests to us the failures and atrocities associated with such enactments.
The movement to end this policy has been heated and met with great opposition from both government officials and executive members of the military. However, this fall a monumental effort was made when on October 12, 2010 a Federal Judge by the name of Virginia Phillips ordered the U.S. Military to immediately stop enforcing Don’t ask, Don’t tell. The order marks the first occasion sense the start of the seventeen-year-old policy that realistically suggests it may soon be repealed.
However, this order is not concrete. It may be suggestive of an up coming heightened awareness of civil rights and integrity, but it does not yet fully represent the end of an era of discrimination and bias. Within days of Judge Phillips order republicans and advocates of Don’t ask, Don’t tell issued appeals across the nation, arguing that the policy was a critical component of the acceptance and discharge processes of the military and that there were not grounds to prove the unconstitutionality of DADT [Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell].
In an attempt to handle the situation with more delicacy, Defense Secretary Robert gates established a network of pentagon appointed groups who would be given the responsibility of overseeing all discharges associated with the policy, so that each case would be examined more closely. The move in itself represents discrimination in a manner that can be viewed as a much more personal level of attack. Rather than all members of the military being forced to refrain from identifying with a sexual orientation, now those suspected of homosexuality can also be investigated under a much closer microscope by these teams of “overseers.”
This comes in the wake of yet another disappointing measure taken against Judge Phillips ruling, a federal appeals court passed orders that would put a freeze on her claim. Thus bringing the situation to a bit of stand still and leaving the legislation in a place of limbo that does not yet fortify the rights of openly gay, lesbian, and bisexual service men and women.
Where does this debate stand in terms of priority for President Obama? During the process of his presidential campaign he gained popularity among gay rights advocates and multiple organizations because he seemed to offer a much fresher perspective into the inequities between homosexuals and heterosexuals. He made it a point to argue that he would fight to end the Clinton administrations policy, despite his political loyalty to the Clintons and the great amount of influence that particular administration has had on his own policy.
Of course, President Obama is faced with a seemingly unending list of major problems both within the country and throughout the world. The National and Global economies have failed, the American people have already ceased to remember that he inherited the situation after a presumably unsuccessful eight-year presidency, and the morale of the American people has continued to be decimated. One might argue that the president simply set this debate aside in hopes of working out major issues first. Unfortunately this would reveal a major lapse in judgment on behalf of Mr. Obama. Human Rights are among the highest regarded ideals a President is expected to maintain, and by failing to take action against this legislation he appears to have a failed sense of priority.
Others may argue that the situation is much more complicated and that the President cannot afford to pass immediate legislation overruling DADT. In fact, Obama himself has stated with regards to ending the policy that, “It has to be done in a way that is orderly, because we are involved in a war right now."
It seems, however that at a time of war, and great patriotism our government would not find it so difficult to support anyone, despite sexual orientation who wished to selflessly serve, even possibly give their life, in order to defend our nation. This very situation represents the gray area in which the LGBT community exists in our country today, and this is only one domain in which this demographic has been blatantly discriminated against and left outside the areas of constitutional protection as a result of hatred, misunderstanding, and socio-political digression.
Perhaps it can be said that the American people, and even possibly our Government have began to open their eyes and see the unfair acts of what could be called, “ignorant policy.” We have reached a time of much greater awareness and the movement for a better America has begun. But this is not to say that the battle has been won, nor that the American people are finished raising their voices to the existing discrimination inflicted upon members of our Military in a time where every service member is a critical component to the continued defense and success of the American way of life. It is time that we revise what defines us as Americans and revert to the original ideals of equality and solidarity founded by the great people who created our nation. Only then, only when discrimination and hate in all aspects have been abolished from our great land, will we truly represent America, because after all, the only truly intolerable acts are those of intolerance.
*I will take the time to insert proper foot-notes and annotations later.
The Service Members Legal Defense Networks website describes Don’t ask, Don’t Tell as a bill, “passed by Congress in 1993, DADT is a law mandating the discharge of openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual service members.” Immediately this statement is unsettling. The U.S. military is supposed to represent a noble and strong defense system responsible for the safety and protection of our country, and yet the establishment has for almost two decades implemented a policy that does not allow members of a specific background to serve. Seemingly this goes against the promise of our unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness- the very ideals that our military and government have, in other eras, worked tirelessly to preserve.
Why did this legislation enter the system of the U.S. military? According to an article by Gregory M. Herek the basis of the policy was to reduce discrimination of homosexuals by not requiring them to identify with or acknowledge their sexual orientation. It was a compromise resulting from the attempt by the Clinton administration to eliminate prejudicial practices in the military toward members of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community. Unfortunately, this “compromise” established a huge conundrum. In an effort to stifle discrimination, the legislation simply perpetuated biases and profiling against military members and in many instances actually made the situation worse. Herek states, “The policy has remained in effect since 1993, although the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network and other organizations monitoring its implementation have repeatedly pointed out its failures. Discharges have actually increased under the policy, and harassment of gay and lesbian personnel appears to have intensified in many locales.” This evidence alone, suggests to us the failures and atrocities associated with such enactments.
The movement to end this policy has been heated and met with great opposition from both government officials and executive members of the military. However, this fall a monumental effort was made when on October 12, 2010 a Federal Judge by the name of Virginia Phillips ordered the U.S. Military to immediately stop enforcing Don’t ask, Don’t tell. The order marks the first occasion sense the start of the seventeen-year-old policy that realistically suggests it may soon be repealed.
However, this order is not concrete. It may be suggestive of an up coming heightened awareness of civil rights and integrity, but it does not yet fully represent the end of an era of discrimination and bias. Within days of Judge Phillips order republicans and advocates of Don’t ask, Don’t tell issued appeals across the nation, arguing that the policy was a critical component of the acceptance and discharge processes of the military and that there were not grounds to prove the unconstitutionality of DADT [Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell].
In an attempt to handle the situation with more delicacy, Defense Secretary Robert gates established a network of pentagon appointed groups who would be given the responsibility of overseeing all discharges associated with the policy, so that each case would be examined more closely. The move in itself represents discrimination in a manner that can be viewed as a much more personal level of attack. Rather than all members of the military being forced to refrain from identifying with a sexual orientation, now those suspected of homosexuality can also be investigated under a much closer microscope by these teams of “overseers.”
This comes in the wake of yet another disappointing measure taken against Judge Phillips ruling, a federal appeals court passed orders that would put a freeze on her claim. Thus bringing the situation to a bit of stand still and leaving the legislation in a place of limbo that does not yet fortify the rights of openly gay, lesbian, and bisexual service men and women.
Where does this debate stand in terms of priority for President Obama? During the process of his presidential campaign he gained popularity among gay rights advocates and multiple organizations because he seemed to offer a much fresher perspective into the inequities between homosexuals and heterosexuals. He made it a point to argue that he would fight to end the Clinton administrations policy, despite his political loyalty to the Clintons and the great amount of influence that particular administration has had on his own policy.
Of course, President Obama is faced with a seemingly unending list of major problems both within the country and throughout the world. The National and Global economies have failed, the American people have already ceased to remember that he inherited the situation after a presumably unsuccessful eight-year presidency, and the morale of the American people has continued to be decimated. One might argue that the president simply set this debate aside in hopes of working out major issues first. Unfortunately this would reveal a major lapse in judgment on behalf of Mr. Obama. Human Rights are among the highest regarded ideals a President is expected to maintain, and by failing to take action against this legislation he appears to have a failed sense of priority.
Others may argue that the situation is much more complicated and that the President cannot afford to pass immediate legislation overruling DADT. In fact, Obama himself has stated with regards to ending the policy that, “It has to be done in a way that is orderly, because we are involved in a war right now."
It seems, however that at a time of war, and great patriotism our government would not find it so difficult to support anyone, despite sexual orientation who wished to selflessly serve, even possibly give their life, in order to defend our nation. This very situation represents the gray area in which the LGBT community exists in our country today, and this is only one domain in which this demographic has been blatantly discriminated against and left outside the areas of constitutional protection as a result of hatred, misunderstanding, and socio-political digression.
Perhaps it can be said that the American people, and even possibly our Government have began to open their eyes and see the unfair acts of what could be called, “ignorant policy.” We have reached a time of much greater awareness and the movement for a better America has begun. But this is not to say that the battle has been won, nor that the American people are finished raising their voices to the existing discrimination inflicted upon members of our Military in a time where every service member is a critical component to the continued defense and success of the American way of life. It is time that we revise what defines us as Americans and revert to the original ideals of equality and solidarity founded by the great people who created our nation. Only then, only when discrimination and hate in all aspects have been abolished from our great land, will we truly represent America, because after all, the only truly intolerable acts are those of intolerance.
*I will take the time to insert proper foot-notes and annotations later.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
An Homage to a Battle won: (Uno)
In the beginning, when you felt deceived you hid that from conscious thought.
You allowed yourself to be tricked into pretense and belief that was founded in
malice and in casual disarray. In actuality you struggled through the premature
confines of a relationship, in poor taste, constructed on fantasy and imagination
that seemed to be fantastical and great, but further bounded you from reality, and
held you tightly to the breast of disillusionment.
An homage to a battle won:
It was always who you were.
Reverberating through your soul.
The mountain air and the river's whispering.
There was a time when the earth and
rain joined to feed your being.
The way the clouds would gather in the sky
reminding you that you were powerless to the land.
You were taken from the place of warmth,
and delivered by shaman to the night.
The nebula and protostars swirled around your head
Convincing you of that which wasn't.
It took you, gently, to its realm of soft light,
Where you embraced the darkness.
With time, you became lonely, and asked the stars to
return you to your home.
They were indifferent. Your emotions alone, could not
move the vast universe before you.
With conviction, you stood and turned back, facing
the place you had left.
The water and grass, and the soft sand welcomed you.
Without moving you rested in the meadow, watching the soft
morning fog in it's lavender brilliance sway with the mountains.
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